One Journey Down, Many to Go.
October 21, 1991 – The Beginning of a New Journey
I’m starting this diary to mark a new start for my mom and me. About two months ago mom and dad split up for good. I have been staying with my gram and pap in Norvelt and that’s where we moved to. My grandparents are the best and I love them with all of my heart but this will be tough I think. I will admit my gram is the best cook in the world though so it shouldn’t be too bad. Mom and I are going to move into her old room upstairs.
March 24, 1992 – The Innocent
I’ve been playing with the neighbor boy John everyday after school and having a lot of fun. We play his Nintendo every afternoon and make fun of the neighbor girls. He’s my best friend for sure, and I like playing with his older brother Rob too. Two days ago John and I were playing army and we crawled across the field into the neighbor’s tomato patch and decided we were going to smash about fifty tomatoes throughout the yard trying to make fake blood. It was so cool. We got back to John’s house and Mrs. P was waiting for us at the door. She asked us what we’d been doing in Mrs. Long’s Tomato patch. John and I said we didn’t know what she was talking about. We told her we were playing in the tree house on the other side of the yard where no one could see us. Mrs. P’s next question seemed a bit obvious. Then why are you covered in tomato juice and seeds? Busted. Next thing I knew Mrs. P was calling my grandparents’ house which is when I knew it was going to get ugly. About forty seconds later I could see my mom and pap headed full steam ahead towards John’s house. They yelled at us for probably an hour discussing possible punishments for the both of us. A severe ass spanking was certainly in store upon being grounded from each other for nearly two months.
August 31, 1994 – Companion
Today was my fifth birthday and it was a really great day. My mom booked my birthday party at SeaBase, which is a huge indoor playground and arcade. John, Dylin, my cousin Ty, Rob, and some of my family all came to my house after the party to swim. Mom and I have been living in the new house for almost a year now. It’s really nice and seems huge after being in my grandparents’ for so long and I have no complaints about the pool. Mom got me a puppy to help make the house seem fuller. My pap actually got the puppy and her name is Dixie. She’s the coolest dog in the world. We’ve been doing everything together. Tomorrow, pap is taking John, Dixie, and me to Mammoth Park to go fishing. It should be great.
February 5, 1995 – New activities
Pap has been taking me skiing at the local mountain Seven Springs a couple nights a week after school. I really learned skiing fast and I’m getting pretty good. There is one slope there that is just too steep for me I think. Pap thinks I can do it but every time I get to the top I chicken out. My goal is to make it to the bottom of goosebumps by the end of the season. Pap is a fifth grade teacher in my elementary school, so some days we stay after school and shoot basketball in the gym. We’ve been playing O-U-T and around the world a lot. Besides John, my pap is my best friend now. We’ve been doing everything together. He thinks that I should get into the school’s junior wrestling program. My cousin tells me it’s really hard and the practices after school are really tough so I’m not sure if I want to.
June 17, 1999 – Early Apotheosis
Wrestling has been really hard the last month and mom wants me to quit. I told her there was no way I was quitting now. I was getting pretty decent at wrestling quickly and I was starting to win some matches. The practices were brutal though and sometimes I felt like I was in boot camp. I actually won my first trophy last weekend at the tournament our team went to. It wasn’t easy though. Coach wanted me to weigh in at sixty pounds but when I checked my weight the night before I was close to sixty three pounds. Pap made me put on the garbage bag suit and run around the yard for an hour in the dark. Mom and Gram were flipping out, but I wanted to do this. I checked my weight after running and showering and I was one pound over. I figured I would float a few tenths of the pound off over night and jump some rope in the morning.
When I woke I was still a pound over and instantly grabbed the garbage bag suit again. Note this was at six in the morning. I got it down to about two tenths over and figured I’d try my luck. We got to the gym and the sixty pound weigh class was stacked. I started jumping rope before weigh-in. About an hour later weigh-in was over and I made weight on the number. Coach was proud and so was my pap. I ate two pieces of pizza from the concession stand and sipped on some water. I ended up losing my first match, but I won my next five to take third place. It was a group string of matches, two even going into overtime. The trophy is so cool. Dropping that weight to make sixty really paid off. I guess all the hard work was worth it after all. Grams made my favorite dinner, roast and mashed potatoes, for me for winning my trophy.
December 14, 2001
Mom’s new husband Tim has been living with us for about two years now but I’m not sure how much longer it’s going to last. They’ve really been fighting a lot lately. It scares me to hear all of this while trying to hide under my covers. In fact, they’re fighting as we speak. I wish they would just shut up. Pap will probably end up coming over to the house to calm everyone down like he always does and gram will be crying. All the usual stuff.
January 27, 2002 – The Protector
Well sure enough, Tim’s gone. He came home drunk and my mom flipped out. He was screaming so loud and cussing that I couldn’t stand it anymore. I called 911 and told the police what was happening and our address. The police showed up in out little neighborhood, god knows what the neighbors were thinking, and took Tim away because he was being out of control. Mom says he will never be back in the house again. While all of this was transpiring I was hiding in my room with my new baby sister Nicole. She was crying and I didn’t know what to do. So that’s all I could think of to make it all stop. I don’t feel like writing anymore tonight.
May 11, 2004 – The Caregivers
Things have been tough lately with mom not making as much money now. She took a new job and was forced to take a pay cut too. Mom gets support checks from my dad and Tim which does help out a little, but its really not enough to make ends meet with the house and my little sister. Thank god for my grandparent’s because we really couldn’t survive without them right now. I heard mom on the phone talking to gram about the house payment, and I think gram is going to pay it for us. I’ve been working at the golf course up the street from my grandparents and I get pay checks every other week. I’ve been giving my mom half of my check which usually totals about one hundred dollars. I know it’s not much but it definitely helps. Mom really appreciates it.
July 13, 2004 – The Tempter and the Teacher
I was playing golf with one of the older kids I work with today and tried pot for the first time. It was pretty cool and I liked it. Surprisingly I putted really well. After golf we went to McDonald’s and munched out. I know my mom would kill me if she knew I tried pot. In school they make it out to be the worst thing in the world. I actually thought if felt quite nice. I may do it again if I play with these guys more. My best friend Josh smoked too. We’ve been playing golf together everyday now for the last three years. His family took me on a golf trip with them to Hilton Head Island. Josh is that type of friend who scares you because they’re willing to try anything once. Josh and I have gotten into some minor troubles in the past few years but I think the next few could be more serious. Golf has been going really well too. I’m the number one player on my high school team and I’m only a freshman. The seniors are giving me some heat about it but I don’t care. I playing pretty well and I’m going to keep beating them. The coach, Mr. Gross, is a pretty cool guy. He teaches me a lot about golf every time we have practice. I’m in algebra two and Coach Gross is a math teacher in the high school so I go to him for a lot of help with math homework.
August 3, 2005 – Transition from boy to man
Well, Jess and I finally had sex last night. It was everything I had hoped it would be. I really like Jess a lot and I’m hoping to be with her for a while. The only problem is sometimes I’m not too sure if she really likes me that much. Everyday after school, we usually come back to my house and do homework and or just relax, but lately she’s been leaving early to go home she says. I’m not too sure if I can trust her with that. I do really like this girl a lot though especially now that she has my virginity. My mom really likes her too, and since I’ve never had a girlfriend she really wants Jess to hang around. I guess all I can do is wait to see what happens.
January 11, 2007 – The battle
I received the worst phone call of my life today. My dad has been diagnosed with lung cancer. All that we know right now is that it’s treatable for the time being, and Dad is staying really confident and positive. Living with my mom sometimes makes it hard to stay as close as I would like to with my Dad and right now this is killing me. I know I’m his only son and he needs me more than anything right now. I am taking a pledge today to visit my dad once a week and call everyday from now on just to tell him I love him. The worst part about the whole situation is the fact that my step mom is a piece of shit. She’s an alcoholic and a drug addict and that’s just the blunt truth. I feel like she is not going to support him as much as he needs it right now and in the near future. My grandma Taffy, who lives in Florida, is just distraught over everything. I really have no idea what to do with myself right now.
May 15, 2009 – Worse and Worse
Dad passed today. I’m lost. We spent the whole day with him at the house since my step mom Di got escorted out for being passed out on Xanex. We knew the day had come because he just couldn’t talk anymore and could barely even open his eyes. I’ve never felt so helpless in my life. The last thing he said to me was “Tony, I don’t wanna die.” To hear your father, the one who is supposed to raise you into a man, teach you knowledge, and keep your head on straight say such helpless words just tears me apart. My gram Taffy and her husband have been staying at the house with Dad overnights and I’ve been spending everyday there for the last two weeks. As hard as this is, I could see this all coming so I guess I sort of gripped those last two weeks tightly. Go to hell cancer.
May 18, 2009 – Belly of the Whale
The funeral was today. I think this whole ordeal has taught me one thing. It takes the worst of times for the worst in some people and the best in others to come out. My family is basically split right now between my dad’s side and my step moms. It’s horrible and I’m caught in the middle. During the very few hours I actually slept last night I had a really weird dream. My dad was in the dream and he was talking to me. He kept saying to keep my chin up. So that’s what I did at the funeral today. Seeing my dad in a casket was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life, but I kept my chin up just like he told me too. I know it’s what he would’ve done. With my family at each others’ throats it’s hard to find anyone to talk to and grieve, but my friends have been more than the world to me.
May 25, 2009 – Soul Searching
I spoke to my friend Josh who is living in Park City, Utah for the summer, and he told me he has an extra room if I want it. I told my mom today that I’m leaving for the summer. I told her I needed to do this now more than anything. I have so much shit on my mind right now that I just need to be in a different setting to clear it all out peacefully or I’m afraid I’ll explode. My goals for this trip are to not have any goals. I’m just heading out there and I’m going to see what happens on my journey. Wish me luck.
August 16, 2009 – The Return
I returned home today after being away for three months even though I really wanted to stay out there. Honestly I left here feeling the worst I possibly could and now I’ve never felt better. Being out there really opened my eyes to the world and I think I accomplished a lot of soul searching this summer. I think about my dad constantly now, but I no longer get quite as upset. Some people say I ran away from grieving and my family during the hardest times, but my family was so fucked up at the time that I just didn’t want to be around it. I know for a fact my dad moved me from this area to avoid all of that stuff. So this is where I am now. I’m starting my second year of college in a few weeks and I’m really excited. It’s going to be a whole new journey.
Works Cited
Campbell, Joseph. The Power of Myth. New York: Anchor Books, 1991.
Patula, John. E-mail interview. 16 October 2009.
Hicks, Lisa. Telephone interview. 15 October 2009 (Mom)
